May 2013
May 16th
36,498 notes
ljuvliga: ljuvliga: This halloween I taped a sign saying COMMUNISM in red on my chest and handed out one piece of candy for each kid and if they complain I say, “Well, look at that you just learned about Communism.” One dad already gave me a dirty look. stop my mom made me take it off because one little girl demanded more candy and I said “whoa calm down, capitalism”
May 11th
47,897 notes
tltty: why do little kids have to scream
May 11th
15,375 notes
May 11th
6,128 notes
jacklullaby: jacklullaby: unfollower: men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day OH MY GOD  LAST YEAR THE DUDES ON MY CLASS HAVE DONE IT AND THEY GOT ALL CALLED IN THE PRINCIPAL’S ROOM BUT THEY DIDNT GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY SAID EXACTLY IT “BUT THOSE RULES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS” I’M NOT EVEN JOKING
May 11th
138,288 notes
detectiveinspectordonut: maybe aliens don’t talk to us because we’re creepy. i mean we send them weird mix tapes and we keep trying to find out where they live
May 11th
37,958 notes
samuelshakusky: when i was in fourth grade we were doing a math lesson and all of a sudden the teachers like “have you ever seen a pregnant bird” and everyones jsut like “no” and then she slams her hand on the table and screams “THATS BECAUSE THEY DONT EXIST” AND ONE KID IN THE BACK JUST BLURTS OUT “WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MATH”
May 11th
124,777 notes
samuelshakusky: when i was in fourth grade we were doing a math lesson and all of a sudden the teachers like “have you ever seen a pregnant bird” and everyones jsut like “no” and then she slams her hand on the table and screams “THATS BECAUSE THEY DONT EXIST” AND ONE KID IN THE BACK JUST BLURTS OUT “WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MATH”
May 11th
124,777 notes
stagling: i actually get decent grades on the papers i write at 1am so don’t you dare tell me i need to change my ways
May 11th
35,239 notes
hero-of-time-winds-and-legend: cancune: if a guy stares at ur boobs  just stare at his dick maybe squint a little bit this is a good excuse to carry a pocket magnifying glass too
May 11th
93,431 notes
May 9th
2,635 notes
1 tag
May 8th
77,650 notes
May 5th
13,320 notes
May 5th
10,369 notes
May 5th
24,955 notes
theshirelock: if artistic people are forced to take years of math and science then why don’t sciencey people have to take art and music classes
May 5th
115,133 notes
thewholockgames: dean-the-hug-monster: I have a panic disorder. While having an attack one day, I called my boyfirend because I was scared. He hung up the phone as soon as I said that and was over in no time to comfort me. He doesn’t have a car. He lives 10 miles away. He ran. MARRY HIM
May 5th
140,418 notes
May 5th
144 notes
May 5th
10,530 notes
May 5th
215,893 notes
harrytomlomsom: merrytomlomsom: you’ve been pregnant for so long it feels like a maternity  im 100% done with this joke
May 5th
39,477 notes
yumiishiyama: yumiishiyama: yumiishiyama: yumiishiyama: My mom didn’t tell me we were having people over so I took my laptop and locked myself in the bathroom  UPDATE: THERE ARE PEOPLE COMING UPSTAIRS CALLING MY NAME I CAN HEAR THEM OUTSIDE THE DOOR I KNOW THEY JUST WENT IN MY ROOM UPDATE: THEY HEARD ME TYPIGN AND THEY’RE OUTSIFE  THE BATHROOM ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION THEY’RE...
May 5th
38,856 notes
brainbowunicorn: sucha-retardis: sucha-retardis: what’s the best thing about living in switzerland well the flag is a big plus
May 5th
85,754 notes
fartgallery: if you dont cover your sneeze and your snot particles land on me i will stop your heart
May 5th
1,502 notes
May 5th
58,126 notes
May 5th
64,429 notes
tarantinoprincess: i want to be written and directed by quentin tarantino
May 5th
7,395 notes
May 5th
55,389 notes
WatchWatch
fuckgomez: WHITE PEOPLE
May 5th
148,237 notes
1 tag
May 5th
256,776 notes
May 5th
4,654 notes
May 4th
483,502 notes
May 4th
77,449 notes
morgrana: when your friend does a fandom reference at you and you don’t get it the first time
May 4th
67,731 notes
mutisija: i always feel like i am fully prepared for zombie apocalypse but i am 99% sure that i will die during the first day of zombie apocalypse
May 4th
103 notes
May 4th
400,366 notes
hydr3ig0n: “He’s not gay, he has a girlfriend”
May 4th
44,444 notes
timeywimeyhufflepuff: No but I actually talk to myself a lot and it’s an actual big problem, like I’ll be thinking something or imagining a conversation in my head and I’ll start muttering or mouthing the words and sometimes I even start making faces and I don’t even realize I’m doing it and it’s actually a really big issue.
May 4th
73,464 notes
1 tag
May 4th
357,531 notes
mrswincestiel: casadelnovak: peeing while on ur period more like I’m sorry but I fucking died.
May 4th
52,504 notes
fruffian: why isn’t anyone unhealthily obsessed with me 
May 4th
49,415 notes
whitespats: Do you ever feel good about how you look and then
May 4th
82,089 notes
2 tags
i love having those little epiphanies in the middle of mass effect when i quietly whisper to myself “im gonna fuck that alien”
May 4th
4 notes
EA sex tip #58
vasneemas: Start with the most tender, passionate foreplay and when your partner begs you not to stop, dress up and leave, claiming the rest is a 15$ DLC.
May 2nd
8,549 notes
1 tag
May 2nd
24,394 notes
May 2nd
62,962 notes
May 2nd
23,322 notes
iwillburnthecakeoutofyou: [GETS AGGRESSIVELY EMOTIONAL EVERY TIME I WATCH THE HOBBIT]
May 2nd
1,878 notes
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: joelbyeman: I feel like people in horror movies live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies That explains a lot
May 2nd
61,059 notes
How to read any John Green book
Step 1: Read book
Step 2: Finish book
Step 3: Wander around in a confused stupor for a week and question your entire existence and every decision you've ever made
May 2nd
94,144 notes